My Twitter Persona Is Too Powerful To Only Have 151 Followers

Embarrassing. James Harden's beard has like 60,000 more followers than me. That fucking snake that escaped from the Bronx Zoo, got found, and brought back into captivity like a year ago has a WAY more followers than me. The @Shit Twitter account that hasn't tweeted once, has so many more followers than me.

It's so cutthroat in the Twitter world, but come on. THOUSANDS of people view this blog a day (seriously) and a snake with zero hands is crushing me out there. As a professional blogger, Twitter followers is the only thing you can really flaunt in a rooster swinging contest. No one really knows how many views you get per day, no one knows who is sitting behind the computer laughing at your shit--the only tangible evidence of your awesomeness is Twitter followers. It's sad, but it's fucking true.

So this a CALL TO ARMS for all WMD readers with a Twitter account. Follow me and prevent other bloggers from making fun of me with their Twitter schlongs. You may laugh or some shit.

@WMsDiary