Wednesday, September 5, 2012

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Introducing "Oogieloves", The Movie That Cost $60M To Make, But Only Grossed $445,000

Anytime you can spend close to 100 million dollars on some VERY scary off-brand Teletubbies, you have to do it, right? It's common economic knowledge that grossing .0075% of your total expenditure is a recipe for continued success.

Great golly, this movie looks like hot garbage mixed with sad puppies. Plus it has Jamie Presley in it, which is always bad news. Chick hasn't turned down a movie role in like 10 years. Should have gotten out of the game after "Not Another Teen Movie." It's tough being an ambiguously raced, huge headed, monster-like creature trying to make your way in this world, I get it. But don't ride around bikes like everything is ok. It's really not. An average of TEN people went to your movie per day for like 9 days. You ended careers. You were somehow THREE TIMES the budget of Magic Mike.

So if there is one thing to take away from this is that you can give .0075% at work today and everything should be alright.

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