Thursday, May 9, 2013

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Jay-Z Is A Hip Hop Mogul, Time Traveler And Possibly A Vampire

Two things we know for certain: 1) this picture was taken in 1933.  2) that is 120% Shawn Carter.  White People are catching a lot of flack on the internet today for agreeing with my sentiment, getting called racist based on the "all black people look alike" premise.  Well white people, Dub J absolves you because we just broke the time-space continuum, bitches.

Now that we know Jay-Z was once chillin' on a stoop in 1933, we have to assume he was around for some other things too.  Probably was in the delivery room doing the *Birdman hand rub* when Beyonce was born.  At the very least it's a safe bet to say that Jay thwarted the Cuban Missile crisis for obvious reasons.  With this said, why did he allow himself to get photographed 80 years ago to give himself up like that?  Admittedly it's a power play to reveal that you have time traveling capabilities, but I'd keep that shit under wraps. 

"But Dub, vampires can't sit on a stoop in the sunlight"

Shut up, don't you think I know that.  Haven't you seen Blade 1 - Trinity?  If young/old Hov hasn't broken all of the laws of physics, he is definitely a daywalker and I'm cool with that.  Pretty par for the course when you're in the Illuminati.

PS.  I think Kanye pissed the wrong person on the Illuminati Board of Directors off:

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