Monday, February 1, 2010

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Have “Halls” Been Playing Me For The Past 18 Or So Years?

^I'm sorry, but I don't trust you to take care of my cough. Not anymore.

I had my usual daily epiphany this morning. I know, it kind of takes away the significance of an epiphany if you have them daily, but they are usually stupid and not worth looking into, like rap lyrics, things to say in an interview, ideas to write “bromance novels”, etc. My epiphany today struck a cord because it was literally happening at that moment. Whenever you get a cough, you buy Hall drops right? Robitussin is the Starter Jacket of this generation when it comes to cough suppressants. No one does that shit anymore. Mom ain’t around to force it down (sorry Mom, I really appreciated your assistance during my sick times). I’ve been rockin’ Halls drops since roughly 8th grade whenever I had the faintest of coughs. It’s been a fun ride, but I definitely have turned a blind eye to a lot of the sketch ball shit Halls has been doing

“Oh, let’s make a really delicious flavor that really does nothing to help your throat, but tastes awesome.” That’s candy Halls, we already have that. Then you were like, “let’s make on that is strictly Vitamin C.” Nope, not buying that one either. We have orange juice and Scooby-Doo fruit snacks (ahem..) to handle our vitamin C needs these days. My epiphany surfaced when I thought about all the ploys Halls has implemented over the years. Usually, when you do well at something, you focus on that, not other stuff. It just hit me that Halls have never made a cough or sore throat better at all. I feel like it has mainly a placebo/Michael Jordan’s water from Space Jam, sort of effect on us. I’ve crushed 2-3 bags of Halls in about a 6 hour span this weekend and I still sound like Louis Armstrong. Suppressant my ass, I am coughing with 3 of you sugar coated bastards in there supposedly coating my throat. I’m calling shenanigans on you Halls.

Like “The Who”, I won’t get fooled again---Cheap Super Bowl plug…go Saints?

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