Monday, July 29, 2013

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Friends Ask Dub: Is Getting Told By Your Wife/GF That "Someone's In The House And That You Should Investigate" The Worst Thing Ever?

(Haven't done a Friends Ask Dub segment in ages because I forgot that I even did them.  Function of getting old I guess.  Oh well, they are back until I forget again)

As a man, one of the worst things in the world is being expected to do "guy" things.  I BARELY know how to use a screwdriver so if something breaks, we have to buy a new something. You can also get the fuck out of here if you think I'm facing off against a rodent or insect - if they make it inside the house, they won and we have to move.  I've been in zero fights, so I probably can't defend anybody.  Overall I'm a C+ dude.  Take away WMD and my diminishing athleticism and I devolve into a high-maintenance 12 year old girl.

To answer the question: Yes, it's the worst.  What could she possibly think is going to happen?  You're going to wake up spry just aching to defend your home?  Nope.  You're going to struggle to get up, you won't be able to open your right eye, and you may cramp up in your calf muscle.  You also have no idea where the bat is.  Quite literally the easiest target for a robber or murderer.  Like, "Hey honey, I'll gladly get hacked up so you can hear my screams, scramble around the bedroom, hide in the closet and get hacked up yourself."  Overall a tremendous time waste.  Just lay there and scream at Siri to do something.  She won't but you can at least feel like you tried to do something.

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