Sunday, August 18, 2013

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Brantford Rapidly Becoming the Florida of Canada

Canadian authorities have rescued 40 distressed pythons from a motel room where they were being improperly held in plastic storage bins, police said on Friday. Police found the snakes, ranging from 1 foot to 4-1/2 feet in length, in a motel in Brantford, a city about 100 km (62 miles) southwest of Toronto. The snakes are expected to be fine, local police said. No one at the Brantford police or at the SPCA were available for comment. - Reuters


What the fuck, Brantford? Look I get that it's boring as fuck up there, but I'm not sure the whole "40 snakes in a motel room" route is the best option for spicing up life. North America already has one Florida too many. Not really eager for another.

And how about the stones on whatever local police officer made that statement? Like fuck public safety. Fuck whoever is staying in that motel. Fuck the fact that we may have some Canadian psychopath cornering the black market on pythons. What the people really want to know is how the snakes are doing. Buddy, approximately nobody is sitting on their couch right now letting out a relieved sigh because "the snakes are expected to be fine."

The next time something like this happens in Brantford the place should absolutely be nuked. Just flat out no need for another Florida. At least the real Florida made Natalie Martinez. Last time I checked Brantford hasn't given us anything of note. And they're in fucking Canada, so who cares about them?
Not me, that's for sure. Nuke city.

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