Wednesday, August 7, 2013

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Chinese Kid Wins Microsoft Excel World Championship

Sicheng Wen, you magnificent bastard.  You just won the World Championship in an activity that makes people contemplate murder on a daily basis.  You're the proud owner of the worst after school activity of all time.  You'll probably grow up to be a serial killer.  Or you'll cure cancer.  Quite honestly, you're capable of anything if life bored you so much that you sought solace in Microsoft Excel.

You're only supposed to use Excel when life forces you to use Excel.  I had absolutely NO idea what Excel was or what it was used for until roughly 2007.  That's 20 years, Sicheng.  Two decades of accidental clicks, mild confusion and utter disinterest.  Not until one of my business classes backed me into a corner and forced me to use that grid box did I learn what I was doing.  Also, we are taking the term "learn" very lightly here.  I know the BARE minimum of what it takes to do any given task.  No more, no less.  Got some formulas down, a fair amount of shortcuts, but do you think I took one second to branch out and try to learn more?  Absolutely not.  That's what Google is for.

Relax, Sicheng.  Have a beer, watch some X-rated material, I don't know, fight a dude.  Live a little.  The rest of your life will be on Excel.  Excel brings zero groupies.

PS. Truly shocking that the winner of the Microsoft Excel Championship was of Chinese descent.  I'm bewildered to say the least.

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