This is like if Everest had sex with Kilimanjaro and gave birth to an even bigger mountain. Insurmountable. I can't envision a scenario where I eat this and come close to surviving. If I did, my life expectancy would be sharply cut, my relationships would probably end and I'd likely hate myself.
Still, I think I have to. Otherwise things like this:
and this:
and other assorted trash compactor grossness that I have eaten over the year(s) will not be worth it. I'm a fake competitive gross shit eater. It's who I am and what my legacy will likely be solidified as when I die of cardiac arrest/high cholesterol/diabetes/obesity/disinterest in getting up in the next 2-3 years. Tell me where I can acquire this sandwich and I will eat it.*
*(with tears in my eyes)
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