Wednesday, October 9, 2013

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Scientists Determine That Sprite Is The Best Hangover Cure




Take it from me, this shit doesn't work.  I arguably have a closer relationship with Sprite than I do with a lot of relatives.  A small percentage of my bodily composition may literally be Sprite.  I have also spent time method acting as an alcoholic for the better part of my 20s.  There have been more than a few mornings where I zombied my way into the kitchen and saw stale ass, flat Sprite on the counter and chugged the whole thing.  Know what happened?  I went back to bed, kept groaning and watched an entire season of Gilmore Girls, Greek Lost on Netflix.

Here's Dub J's hangover cure: 

1) Don't drink that last shot/mixed drink at the end of the night, no matter what the scenario:  It won't make the hook-up you're undoubtedly fighting for any better and it won't make that time with friends any more fun.  Just put it down.

2) Do eat something kind of disgusting and greasy: You'll be hungry and it'll absorb all of the toxins that you drank.  At least that's what science makes me tell myself.  Oh, and you'll probs get fat, but this is about fighting hangovers not obesity.

3) When you do the requisite "get ready for bed" stuff, make sure to drink from the faucet for 20 seconds: This is the real life saver.  I'm personally too practical to pour water into a cup in such a dire situation, so this method works for me. You won't wake up with a headache and you won't deal with cotton-mouth.  NOTE: You may pee the bed, but you'll have the pee dream which kinda makes it all worth it.

4) You're going to wake up early because your body is fighting not to die.  Go back to sleep: This prolongs the hangover because as soon as your body manages to defeat it, you're tired anyway.  If you're too tired, you won't be able to do any of it again the next night.

NASA, I'm waiting for your call.  I'm a fucking scientist now, I think.

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