Wednesday, January 20, 2010

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Possum (Opossum?) In The Crib


Before I tell you the worst horror story since Jason Goes To Hell, can we break down the difference between a possum and an opossum. Are they the same animal? Is it one of those regional things? Mainly, is one more vicious than the other?

I ask these questions because, as you can guess by the title of the post, we possibly (we do) have a possum in the crib. To be honest, I thought nothing of these creatures after coming from the rat haven that is Allston. My first possum sighting was pretty chill and kind of depressing. I saw a small possum walking up my street and assumed it was rat-like. In Allston, if you made eye contact with a rat that shit teleported to another dimension..or they were just really fast, you decide. This possum struggled to get out of my way. They are quite possibly the clumsiest, most easily confused animals in the game right now. Needless to say, they weren’t on my immediate threat radar.

Naturally my bro-pad developed a (1) mouse problem. Mice are cute though and provide a pet-ish aspect that I desperately need in my life to balance out my sinning. The mouse made random appearances in the living room and the kitchen and pretty much popping out to say “what up” every now and then. Shit got real the other night. Watching Friday Night Lights, me and a couple buddies hear some aggressive rustling in the pantry region. First thought was the mouse, so we didn’t assume anything was up. Then it sounded like pizza boxes were being lifted up and moved. That narrowed it down to a homeless person or a stray cat (it really did). More time went by with us stricken motionless by fear as this homeless man-cat did some serious damage to our pantry (what is a pantry?). Blah, blah, blah. We have a god damn possum in the crib.

I consulted Google for the best way to handle the situation. Literally, the only option is some Looney Toons, carrot-box-stick mechanism that traps the possum so that someone can discard it. Eff that. That shit bites me, it’s a wrap on so many things I can’t even begin to explain. Dude is eating so much food, chillin’ in a nook, and sneaky watching tv all day, I know it is. Not paying rent, possummin’ out (bro-in out?), and terrorizing people.

You can’t help but to respect that bastard.

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  1. Craw said... January 20, 2010 at 9:29 PM

    im not gonna lie...still think it was a homeless the fact that before we opened the door i had a shaws bag in hand while you guys grabbed a broom and random kitchen tool (spachela?)

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