Friday, January 8, 2010

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Real CNN Article Title: "Homeless face tough choice in winter"


-wonder what those choices are

Not going to lie, I like this guy’s touch. He has the “I’ll just litter my sign with crucifixes and throw in the ol’ ‘God Bless’ at the end” approach to his homeless game. If I had a readership of more than four people, I’d definitely have a “make the best homeless sign” contest. People would get out the Elmer’s and glitter for that shit.

My sign would have all the elements tied into one. It’d have to feature the fact that I am a veteran. I may need fatigues or some shit, but it shouldn’t be a problem. Next, I’d probably go with the whole terminal disease approach. That seems to tug the heart muscle just a tad. The decision lies in whether I go with AIDS or liver cancer (because I’m a drunk bum), but again, shouldn’t be an issue. The next two can be intertwined into one calculated attack. If I hit people with the homeless-child/dog/both-accessory AND the crucifixes, I am bound to rake in $0.27 from that chick I just held the door for.

Alright, if I haven’t offended all of you yet, let me get my piece out. I saw this homeless character on the street yesterday with his dog AND crucifixes just making dough and flaunting his success. He told this chick that gave him a stank look that he makes $200+ a day. At that point, my professional choices seemed so incorrect. Needless to say, I did make a sign.

Cardboard sign that reads: Homeless Veteran With AIDS-Cancer That Needs To Support His Son and Dawg (because I am witty)…God Bless Everyone and America. The sign will also be tattered with crucifixes and strategically placed sad faces. Tell me you won’t give that mofo money.

See you at the fiery gates.


PS. Shout out to Brobible.com for scavenging the internet and discovering this crap heap of a blog. It’s true, I thought Waffles was a cartoon character. First time I went on your site, I saw that image and the rest is history. But seriously, keep it up guys. You have a great site and I’d love to be featured on there again. Maybe, like, today?

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  1. Spellgirl said... January 11, 2010 at 5:51 PM

    You were found on BroBible?? Wow!

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