Wednesday, June 19, 2013

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Lots Of Little Boys Are Crushing Their Genitals On Potty Seats

There's a dick-smashing epidemic going on and it's NOT good.  Toddler boys nationwide are just crushing their nuts with the top seat of potties.  It's a damn shame.  Oh well, story time:

I'm pretty sure I never got potty-trained.  That means I was either way too awesome/smart to be taught such a remedial thing or that I was incapable of learning how to use the bathroom.  Based on my skills now, I'm not quite sure which one.  All I do know is that I had vivid memories of falling through the seat on an embarrassingly consistent basis and trying to pee from far distances.  That's all the bathroom meant to me.  I knew I was probably going to fall into the toilet and/or attempt to break a piss distance record.  There was never a penis related fear that I had to deal with unrelated to pissing all over the floor.  Are kids rocking hammers down there now?

The world is a terrible place to bring a child into right now.  Crazy people everywhere, the country's in severe debt, the environment is shit and toilet seats are smushing toddler penises.  Don't rush to have kids, people.

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