Monday, June 10, 2013

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My Date With The Dunkin Donuts Glazed Donut Bacon Egg & Cheese Sandwich

What I learned:  I have no support system and arguably zero real friends, my girlfriend potentially wants me to get fat and die, and that I have a problem.  And that's strictly what I learned while I stood in line waiting for this monstrosity.

Did I want to bow out and just order a sausage, egg & cheese croissant?  Definitely.  But because I write a middling blog, hate healthy decision making and was too far away from any other breakfast establishment, I never had a choice.  I stood in line and literally had no gameplan.  No real Plan A or B.  I saw the attendant and knew just by looking in her eyes, that she was not prepared for what I was about to say.

Me: Can I get the Glazed Donut Bacon Egg & Cheese Sandwich please?

Attendant:  (confused laughter) What?

Me: It's the new promotional sandwich you guys are running.  It's a sandwich made from two glazed donuts, egg, bacon and cheese.

Attendant:  (genuine concern) Why do you want that?

Me:  Honestly, I don't know.

::5 minutes go by while the attendant, the coffee maker, and the manager struggle to understand what I ordered and battle with the machine to find the correct button to process the order.  A line has began to form::

Me:  You know, I actually don't.....

Attendant:  Ohh, I found it.  This is the first time I have made this.

Me:  This is hopefully the only time you ever make this

And it was done.  It's like I willfully paid for a pill that would lower my life expectancy by 5 years.  Two people in the line cheered me on and said good luck, which is certainly not a great sign by any means.  I slugged home, thought about tossing it in the trash and was ready to face my destiny:

Initial thoughts: 1) Wasn't awful  2) Haircut was needed weeks ago  3) Not that filling, could have eaten two.  4) If you look at the picture closely, you can hear my heart screaming and my soul crying.

There, I did it.  I know no one asked me and frankly no one cared that I would do it or not, but it's done.  I hate all of you for it.  I saw no, "Dub, don't do it!!!" emails.  No concerned text messages.  Not even a "that shit's gross" to deter me from this horrible quest.  You guys just watched me go ahead and die a little bit.


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  1. Kyle said... June 10, 2013 at 4:58 PM

    That is foul. Even I wouldn't do that.

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