This Kid Has College All Figured Out

Welp, I did college incorrectly.  Never once did I think to bring a portable griddle into class and that falls on me.  It's an opportunity that I won't get back and I accept that I messed up.  

The question is, did it meet the necessary criteria of "college"?  Basically did cooking bacon and pancakes on the griddle:

1) Get girls?

Yes, absolutely.  Clearly it's not a bad thing to be able to cook.  To top it all off, I'm sure all of those slices of bacon aren't for him.  The pancakes are, though.  No girl is that important.

2) Help you skate through class?

Duh. What professor wants to call on someone while they're flipping their bacon?  Plus they must assume you're a psychopath.

3) Build friendships?

I'd be best friends with anyone right now if they gave me bacon.  That's why men are dogs, y'all.  We respond to repetitive positive treatment.  It doesn't get more positive than bacon.

To say I'm crazy jelz of this pioneer would be the understatement of 2013.