Friday, October 16, 2009

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Mini-Vans and Pick-ups Are No Longer The Move



Bears attracted to menstruation? That's fine. Not the usual means of attraction to a human woman, but to each his own. But bears sprinkling haterade all over mini-vans and pick-ups? That crosses the god damn line. It doesn't add up. Are bears trying to turn into the male social compass? I just don't understand. Mini-vans aren't cool vehicles for a guy to be associated with, but that doesn't give you the right to scratch up the exterior. What happened to the days of hunting pic-a-nic baskets with Boo-boo? If we leave the baskets outside or we are chillin' with them in a field with our girlfriend, it's fine. We are fair game. It has been established that people should not have picnics in a bear habitat and it's completely fine if they get mauled and brutalized, since they were dumb.

That gives these bastards no right to invade our vans and pick-up trucks to forage. These scientists are "baffled" at why the bears invade mini-vans more than other vehicles. Let me put my Bachelors degree to use right quick and make a bold hypothesis. Mini-vans. Driven by soccer moms/moms/boring women/nerd dudes. All of the above love a good picnic. They keep their food in the van. Bear hates picnics and wants to stop the issue at it's source. Simple math people. Didn't even need to bring my TI-83 out for that one.

It's Friday and if some of you decide to make that trek up to Yosemite, please heed my aforementioned warning.

I care about all 4 of you that read this.


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  1. Spellgirl said... October 17, 2009 at 1:05 PM

    For a while it was yosemite, Boston, and staying at SLU. I guess I can cross Yosemite off the list, and because of absurd weather, Boston too. :) haha

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