Tuesday, July 17, 2012
Posted by Dub Jeezy // at 11:35 PM //
Here it is folks, the two most dominant talent pools of my generation.
In one corner we have the '93 Mouseketeers featuring: Justin Timberlake, Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, Ryan Gosling, a few no names, potentially Bobby Brown (and not Jessica Simpson because she got served by Christina in auditions).
In the opposite corner we have the '03 NBA Draft Class featuring: LeBron James, Dwyane Wade, The Ostrich, Carmelo Anthony and some serious riff-raff rounding out the picture.
I'll do the most logical competitions and see who wins out:
Justin Timberlake vs. LeBron James
-Both ridiculously hyped, once in a generation talents. Both own championships, both have made questionable DECISIONS and both have been scrutinized for those decisions. Why does LBJ pass up open game-winning shots? Why hasn't Timberlake put out an album in years? Friends with Benefits fucking sucked.
Britney Spears vs. Dwyane Wade
-Britney put me through puberty and Wade made me change my Facebook profile picture to him during the 2006 Finals. The only other non-me picture used on Facebook was a Madden 08 rendition of Brett Favre. That was a dark patch for me. Put puberty against a brief sports obsession in a fight and puberty always wins.
Chris "The Lord of All Raptors" Bosh vs. Ryan Gosling
-If this was a competition to see who can hoard the most raptor eggs in the quickest amount of time, this would be an easy Bosh victory, but it's not. Gosling is on fire right now and tops on the "dudes our girlfriends definitely want to bang and will if they have the chance" list. Chris Bosh will get his time when the global warming sets in and only the cold blooded creatures survive.
Carmelo Anthony vs. Christina Aguilera
-The two people in their respective groups that never reached their potential. Carmelo has all the offensive ability in the world and could never fully put it together. He will forever be a top-10 player in the NBA, but will never crack the top-5. Christina had pipes that could rival the greats, was absolutely gorgeous and seemed to have a good head on her shoulders. Then "Dirty" came out-we got our rocks off and everyone lost respect for her. Then she became morbidly obese and must-mute TV during "The Voice."
The randoms from each crew
-Fake Bobby Brown, dude that's trying too hard on the left, and the potentially fine unknown chick in the middle vs. role player city. Based on the sheer fact that (I think) all of these guys are still in the league and the dude on the left in the MMC might have served me a sandwich this afternoon the victory has to go to...
As much as I'd like to have both of these groups win, the '93 MMC took the crown here in a photo finish. No greater batch of raw talent and moldable personalities. This can all change next year, but as of now, Gosling is the guy and Timberlake WILL come out with an album soon. I can taste it.
Never forget: Dwyane Wade dressed as Justin Timberlake for Halloween
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