Thursday, July 19, 2012

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Questions You Thought You Can Answer, But Actually Can't Without Google #4: "What's Really Good With A Platypus?"

The realest question I have ever fielded and it wasn't even a legitimate question. Quick tangent: I have never understood the entire "What's good" phenomenon because there really are a lot of things that are good out here. Ice cream, days off from work, scoring the high score in a pinball game are some examples, but I have NO idea where to even begin with a platypus.

First off, why the fuck is their name spelled like that? The old "y" that sounds like an "a" trick hasn't been used since ever and you guys are built so incorrectly. Half gopher, half duck, and poisonous? It's as if God stuck his hand in a bag, picked 4 random ass attributes and came up with the platypus. Probably was like, "Whoa. I really screwed this thing up. ::Looks behind his back and backs away slowly::"

Platypus Highlights via Wikipedia:

-They lay fucking eggs
-They growl
-It can kinda swim, but not really
-People straight up didn't believe it existed
-It has been deemed "the most poorly understood animal in history"

Well, shit. Wikipedia doesn't even know what's up. Regardless, I'm terrified. These growling, inefficient monsters need to be eradicated stat. Nothing will knock the cool out of your step like getting stabbed by a poisonous platypus ankle spur.

3 Reactions to this post

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  1. Pears said... July 20, 2012 at 8:50 AM

    Loving that Psyduck made the cut...he's been flying under the radar for far too long

  2. Pears said... July 20, 2012 at 8:58 AM

    Also, what's the plural of platypus? Platypii? Fuck, I hope that's not it

  3. Dub Jeezy said... July 20, 2012 at 12:22 PM

    "Confusion"-->"Psyduck started hitting himself"-->"Psyduck fainted"

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