Friday, July 20, 2012

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What To Do If The Worst Starburst-Related Incident Ever Happened To You

WMD is a lot of things. Hilarious, adorable, tasteless, occasionally not funny, but most of all, this shit is helpful. I'm basically an amateur social psychologist. Here's are methods on dealing with the shittiest Starburst bag of all time:

-Call the "How are we doing?" hotline on the back of the bag and leave a colorful voicemail

-Reason with yourself that eating 38 lemon flavored Starburst isn't that bad.

-Eat the pink and red flavors too fast and get so sad that you start crying a little bit

-Instagram it and settle for nothing less than 58 likes.

-Wherever you are. Just go home. Your day is a wrap.

-Tell a bunch of people about it that a) won't believe you and b) won't give a shit

-Write a hilarious blog about it

If you're pumped about this scenario, you need to reassess yourself and the life that you live. Lemon flavor anything that doesn't end in "-ade" is the worst. I remember crying because I lost a bet and had to eat 5 lemon Warheads at once. That may be because I was a bitch, but it's a fate I wouldn't wish on no man.

Sour face is NOT a good look

-skinny version of the fat kid from "Bad Santa"?!

-eh, this dude's just ugly