Thursday, August 30, 2012
What's The Difference Between A Bed, A Mattress, And A Bed Frame? What The Fuck Is Thread Count?: MOVE IN DAY 2012
It's defcom five. I'm looking for answers to questions I don't know how to ask. I'm lazy to the point that it's almost a disability. And my moral is so low, virtually anyone can make me cry right now. Let's talk move-in day:
Bed vs. Mattress vs. Frame: Probably the biggest conundrum to ever face human civilization. Told people I was buying a bed, they asked what size mattress I was getting. I said I was buying a frame, they ask "what kind of bed do you have?" Am I the only one that comes out thoroughly confused? Pretty sure I just spent one million dollars on a couple 4x4s and a screwdriver.
We talkin' 'bout thread count?!: No lie, I spent 36 minutes the other day just looking at sheets. Staring at them. Trying to figure out what makes them tick. And then I came across thread count and fell into a black hole of some of the least manly terminology possible: "Stitching" "Woven" "Sateen." Yikes. Felt like I was in the Matrix being surrounded by a bunch of numbers and words I didn't understand. The Egyptians better know what the fuck their doing.
What's the point of a nightstand?: I hear the word "aesthetics" getting thrown around far too often when people don't have a real answer for things. The only function a nightstand will serve is holding the remote, but even then losing it in the sheets isn't that bad. Nightstands are pompous as hell. Bought one yesterday. Church.
Time to take down the quilt curtain: No I don't own some sort of quilt-curtain baller hybrid. I just use a quilt as my curtain because my current curtain does a miserable job blocking out the sun. Actually, it's as far from baller that you can get. I googled "how to buy a curtain" and I feel like the internet laughed at me.
So as you can see moving is a super-stressful process, based on my lack of complete sentences. Pay movers. Hire maids. WMD needs to start pulling it's weight.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments
(
Atom
)
Support The Blog
WMsDiary On Twitter
What's Hot This Week
-
Sniper on the roof! But seriously, did he die in that second .gif? I think he did. Who can blame him, though? He took a line ...
-
Probably the best high for about 95% of the time until it suddenly and inexplicably stops working right at the end of the 4th quarter da...
-
From Huff Post How about this kid, huh? Huffing 16 cans of air duster, getting higher than the monkey from "The Hangover 2" ...
-
For some ungodly reason my roommates were deep into "Blank Check" on-demand when I got back from work. Naturally I complained har...
-
We have a special guest on this episode! Welcome Gina Tomaine, Health & Wellness Editor from PhillyMag to the program. We chat about...
The Old Stuff
-
2019
(
14
)
- December ( 1 )
- November ( 2 )
- October ( 1 )
- September ( 2 )
- July ( 1 )
- June ( 1 )
- May ( 1 )
- April ( 2 )
- March ( 1 )
- February ( 1 )
- January ( 1 )
-
2018
(
13
)
- November ( 1 )
- October ( 1 )
- September ( 1 )
- August ( 1 )
- July ( 2 )
- June ( 1 )
- May ( 1 )
- April ( 1 )
- March ( 1 )
- February ( 1 )
- January ( 2 )
-
2017
(
19
)
- December ( 1 )
- November ( 1 )
- October ( 2 )
- August ( 1 )
- July ( 2 )
- June ( 2 )
- May ( 1 )
- April ( 1 )
- March ( 2 )
- February ( 1 )
- January ( 5 )
-
2016
(
22
)
- December ( 2 )
- November ( 1 )
- October ( 2 )
- August ( 1 )
- July ( 2 )
- June ( 2 )
- May ( 2 )
- March ( 3 )
- February ( 4 )
- January ( 3 )
-
2015
(
51
)
- December ( 4 )
- November ( 2 )
- October ( 3 )
- September ( 1 )
- August ( 5 )
- July ( 4 )
- June ( 5 )
- May ( 1 )
- April ( 6 )
- March ( 8 )
- February ( 7 )
- January ( 5 )
-
2014
(
138
)
- December ( 3 )
- November ( 7 )
- October ( 10 )
- September ( 11 )
- August ( 10 )
- July ( 14 )
- June ( 11 )
- May ( 11 )
- April ( 10 )
- March ( 14 )
- February ( 16 )
- January ( 21 )
-
2013
(
312
)
- December ( 13 )
- November ( 33 )
- October ( 33 )
- September ( 26 )
- August ( 34 )
- July ( 31 )
- June ( 31 )
- May ( 21 )
- April ( 20 )
- March ( 28 )
- February ( 21 )
- January ( 21 )
-
2012
(
367
)
- December ( 12 )
- November ( 23 )
- October ( 28 )
- September ( 19 )
-
August
(
25
)
- What's The Difference Between A Bed, A Mattress, A...
- When Blogging Gets Real: I Think I Have Carpal Tu...
- Introducing The "Lion" That Terrorized England For...
- The BiC "Pens For Her" Make Me Feel So Left Out
- The McDonald's "Breakfast After Midnight" Promotio...
- Probably Buying A WiFi Donkey Within The Next Few ...
- I Think Florida Has It Right
- People Wearing Face-Kinis Is Just China Being China
- What's Up With These Better, Faster, Stronger 48 H...
- Shocking Study: Marriage Makes Men Drink Less and ...
- I...Have No Words
- Anyone Else Play "Scramble With Friends" Different...
- The "Expendables 3" Poster Looks About Right
- I'm At The Point In My Life Where I Need To Watch ...
- So This Dude Blew A 0.627 On The Breathalyzer
- "F-Bomb", "Sexting", And "Mash-Up" Officially Adde...
- Mutant Butterflies In Japan? I've Heard This One ...
- Steroids? Nah, Couldn't Be
- Eff What You Heard: Tuesdays Are Way Worse Than Mo...
- Haven't Formed An Opinion On The Slow Loris Yet
- This Is Probably As Good As You Can Look For Getti...
- "M-A-R-S, Mars Bitches. Red Rocks, Yayayeeee!!!"
- Clearfield, Pennsylvania Isn't Real And This Weeke...
- Pray For James Harden
- Steroid Beer Is Gonna Be A Problem
- July ( 23 )
- June ( 37 )
- May ( 34 )
- April ( 33 )
- March ( 43 )
- February ( 43 )
- January ( 47 )
-
2011
(
565
)
- December ( 55 )
- November ( 47 )
- October ( 52 )
- September ( 48 )
- August ( 43 )
- July ( 44 )
- June ( 53 )
- May ( 39 )
- April ( 50 )
- March ( 57 )
- February ( 37 )
- January ( 40 )
The Co-Workers
Powered by Blogger.
1 Reaction to this post
Add Comment"Nightstands are pompous as hell. Bought one yesterday. Church."
Win, I adore you.
Post a Comment