Wednesday, March 6, 2013

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I'm Only On Facebook To Post Blogs And Watch Lives Crumble Via Status Update

Since I'm the unofficial Prince of Social Media and such, I felt the need to discuss the phenomenon that I have noticed on Facebook recently: people discussing their lives falling apart in real-time.

It's absolutely fascinating.  Picture a pretty terrible movie that you only watch because it's so bad.  Then picture that movie as someone's life and remain unfazed. Now we're on the same page.  Most of the time it's someone that you friend'd years back and have no continuous contact with, so it's fine.  If it's your friend, you are a negligent friend.  Also, if you don't notice this on your newsfeed, you're probably the culprit.

As Prince, my updates start and stop with blog posts and "trying really, really hard to be funny" statuses.  I have standards, people.

If you don't notice any of these activities, it's you:

- Intense, day-by-day updates of your subpar relationships.  She can be "awesome" or a "slut" in a span of 72 hours.

-You post memes and only memes.  None of them are funny.

-You deep dive into your personal business.  Got fired?  Broken up with?  Hate Obama so you said a bad word to a black person and don't think you're a racist?  These might be my favorite.

-Fake activists.

-Babies.  We get it, you have a kid.

-Insecurities such as posting blogs daily because your emotions hinge on whether people find you funny or not.  The worst kind of scum.

I'm probably missing some, so feel free to add some in the comments.  Facebook, the NASCAR of social media.  Just watching for the crash.

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