Monday, March 18, 2013

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Yeah, Shots Are Still The Worst Thing In The World

Yup, shots are still the worst thing that can happen to you. I basically typed this post with one-hand while my other arm was completely incapacitated. Some call it, "blogging through the pain", while others will choose to refer to me as a warrior.

Observation 1: Bedside-Manner is gone

The lady basically hurled me into the seat, asked for my name and DOB and barely listened to my response. Could have told her my name was McLovin and that I was born in 2010 and she wouldn't have skipped a beat. Also, I'm pretty sure they upgraded the needle from "terrifying" to "impossibly fucking scary." I asked her if their office was using newer needles and she flat ignored me.

Observation 2: I'm a looker

I like to stare death in the eyes. And by death I mean the needle whose size I greatly exaggerated. I think people that look away from a shot are legitimate crazy people and probably need to be locked up before they cause any real harm. Sneak attacks aren't my game.

Observation 3: It still hurts

Yeah I'm 25 and I'm not ashamed to say when something hurts. When they take gallons of blood out of your body right in front of you, it's hard to react other than secretly wanting to cry. You're thuggin' hard on the exterior, but on the inside you can't reach to your phone fast enough to simultaneously call your mom and girlfriend so they can make it better.

Observation 4: No mention of lollipops or cookies

I was basically bloodless and in dire need of some glucose when the crotchety nurse lady stared me down and uttered, "You're done." I'm pretty sure I had my (working) hand extended expecting a treat. I was going in with low expectations. At the very least I was looking to get one of those no-name lollys that they give you at the bank. Actually scratch that. The VERY least they could have done was to give me one Nilla Wafer. It'd be borderline insulting at that point and arguably worse than getting nothing at all, but it's the thought that counts.

"Stop being a baby/bitch, Dub", blah, blah, blah. Stop it. Get off your high horse atop of your ivory tower and think clearly. Shots suck, they've always sucked and they always will suck.

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