Friends Ask Dub: "Do You Or Anyone You Know Lick Their Finger To Turn Pages?"

Before I dive in, what the fuck are these things?:

No real idea what's going on here, but they have been at my desk on the first day of every job I started. Basically corn on the cob holders without the sharp part is all I see. Took me like 2 years to muster up the courage to ask what they were needed for. Blew my mind when I realized they are used to turn pages for people with weak-ass fingertips.

What world do we live in where we need saliva and finger condoms to turn a page in a book? I'm pretty sure that's why the Kindle and the Nook exist. People have become less and less able to effectively turn the page. I must admit, I've hit a few hiccups in some instances of page turning. Occasionally pages will get stuck, I may skip a page by accident and worst case scenario, a paper cut. While a paper cut is a very real and very dangerous catastrophe, I think we'll be ok. Saliva is a whole 'nother animal though. Not a clue in the world on how it aids in the page turning process other than making things uncomfortably sticky and wet. I'd like to guess that it's a generational thing, but damn. Let's make a rule right here. If you own a phone that doesn't flip or have polyphonic ringtones, you shouldn't spit on your fingers to advance through a hardcover novel.

For the record, I turn my pages like a bawse. It's like the And-1 Mixtape tour at the cubicle. No-looks, behind the backs and if I'm feelin' frisky, a real acrobatic/unnecessary between the legs. More or less, I'm the black "Professor" of turning pages of PowerPoints and Excel documents.