Tuesday, April 10, 2012

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A LOT Of People Didn't Know The Titanic Was A Real Thing



The content must be absolutely alarming in current social studies textbooks. Aside from World War I, World War II, Vietnam, Civil Rights Movement, Cuban Missile Crisis, Gulf War, 9/11, and the First Black President I have no idea what people consider important these days. Do kids know about the Great Depression? Those motherfuckers had to wait in LINE for BREAD. Do kids know the 1970s happened? What about afros, disco, and drugs?! Jesus, the youth is fucked. Who saw fit that 3 pages on one of the biggest disasters in world history couldn't make the textbook cut?

In defense of the misguided youth, 97% of my knowledge of the Titanic came from the Jack and Rose sexcapade. Hell, once I saw boobs, I completely forgot the movie was about a capsizing cruise ship.

James Cameron's biggest error was showing boobs in Titanic. It's hard to go back into my mindset when I first saw the movie, but I'm positive tits didn't move the story along. Once Rose opened her robe the movie more or less became "American Pie" to me. The entire cinematic scope got lost on anyone 17 and under when that scene rolled by. It got to the point where I honestly didn't care whether anyone lived or died at the end as long as Rose survived.

Same thing with "Avatar." Why'd you cast fine-ass Zoe Saldana to play a fucking blue alien, James? All I got out of that movie was 3D glasses, mild epilepsy and a weird erection.

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