Friday, October 12, 2012

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How Often Do You Wash Certain Things?

Look, I'm not going to pretend like I know how to use a washing machine or a dryer, because I don't. Shit goes awry very quickly if I don't stick to the basics. With that said, a lot of the washing I do is based almost solely on judgment calls. No rhyme or reason, just pure gut instincts and societal expectations. While this is undoubtedly the wrong way to go about things, I have a system and I stick to it:

Clothes (T-Shirts, Underwear, Socks, Dress Shirts, Dress Pants, Shorts, Hoodies, Sweats)
-My clothes washing schedule is dictated by my underwear and my underwear only. If there is one line I draw in the laundry game, it is the maintenance of clean boxer-briefs. I do enough on a per-day basis to completely justify never wearing a pair of underwear again until they are washed. Sometimes there are casualties, like a clean t-shirt gets washed twice without getting worn since wash. If it finds it's way into the hamper, it's gone. And no, I don't dry clean shirts and pants. I'm a Top-5 ironer that isn't a mother or gay.

-Here's when things get dicey. Straight up no idea when to clean a towel. Theoretically they're always dirty and clean at all times. They smell like your soap, but are covered in your dirt. If your cool with using your towel after 5 showers, you should be cool using your towel after 100 showers. Unless you're a jackass and leave it out somewhere where it gets that mildewy-shit smell, there may not me a justifiable reason to ever wash a towel. Sometimes I toss them in with my sheets, but that's just as big, if not bigger of a crap shoot.

Bed Stuff (Sheets, Blanket, Pillowcases, Pillow?)
(Before I get into this, does your actual pillow EVER get washed? Serious question. In fact, don't answer that--ignorance is bliss.)
-None of these things get washed unless there is a clear odor or stain on any of them. Even if there is a stain, there is careful due diligence done to determine the answer to the age old question of: "Is it worth it?" If it is, the stain has to be awful or your girlfriend is visiting and she smells your stink better than you can.

Winter Jackets (Non-Peacoats)
-No clue. I have a Northface bubble coat that I've had since like '05 that I still wear on days where it's so cold you don't care what you look like. I washed it once and all the feathers matted into clumps and took like 7 months to dry. Now you just have to deal. Any stain I get on that coat will be on there forever. Peacoats get dry-cleaned, along with suits.

-Conundrum city. Smartly enough, I own two jeans. So in the event one gets stained, I have the other one to wear. If that one gets stained, then it's time to wash. If you're close enough to the summer, you can smoothly transition out of pants season into shorts season without having to clean anything. If you're exceedingly clean you may never have to wash your jeans, but if you're like me, you crush burgers and wings on a routine basis and that shit just isn't realistic.

Miscellaneous (Bath rug, Kitchen towels)
-Bathrugs were built to absorb water, look awful, and smell like shit a month into use. That's an occupational hazard you agree to deal with upon purchase. And kitchen towels are just...there. My life would go on with or without them. Never need to wash any of these things.

Expecting a confused and disappointed phone call from Mom within the hour.

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