Wednesday, October 24, 2012

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Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel Can't Get Married Until Homeless People Wish Them Well Via Video

Weddings are tough. Just a year of planning, freaking out, severing friendships, freaking out some more and recognizing that you're stuck with one person until you die. A lot going on in your head during the big day so it's completely understandable if you want to get a little weird.

It's common courtesy to let the bride dictate most of the wedding because it's 95% for the woman and 5% for the man, but with that 5% you pretty much have free reign. Justin Timberlake just happens to be a hobo fetishist and needed their well-wishings before he said "I do." Completely understandable. I'll probably request a 20 foot projection screen with a Nintendo 64, Super Smash Brothers and like 75 beers at the reception. Guys are weird, we're going to surprise you with some odd requests sometimes. Hopefully at this stage in their relationship, Jessica was able to see this coming to an extent and let it breeze under the rug.

For those of you that think this is offensive, pfft. Homeless people love camera time and they undoubtedly got paid more money than they were going to make just standing there otherwise. For every 5 hobos that buy mouthwash, nips and heroin with their earnings, one of them will open a savings account and accrue interest while peddling the corner.

JT can do no wrong in my eyes. Jessica's a lucky lady.

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