Monday, October 15, 2012

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"Stinky" The Dolphin Is Raping Everything

You know what? I feel for Stinky. Sure, he shouldn't go around raping everthing he sees, but I understand his plight.

I mean, dude is SO wound up and horny that boat propellers and anchors are turning him on. You know how repressed you have to be to look at a fucking anchor and convince yourself that you want to have sex with it? What I'm trying to say is, a sexually maniacal dolphin and a pre-teen boy aren't too different.

Every boy between the ages of 11-14 is a sexual deviant. Every single one. As soon as you figure out how things work down there, you start getting real weird. Rubbing up on everything, reading Sears catalogs and basically becoming a menace to society. Then you figure out how to reel things in and go on functioning like a normal person. Those that can't end up in jail. In Stinky's case, there is no dolphin jail. He just roams the sea looking for things to hump by any means necessary. Scrapes on his dorsal fin? Pfft, he don't care as long as he eventually gets his rocks off.

It's not his fault, it's the circumstance. So don't hate the raper playa, hate the game.

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  1. Anonymous said... January 2, 2015 at 4:44 PM

    Hilarious article but sadly Stinky is now dead. Killed by locals who were afraid he might attack tourists and scare away tour business. Cases of aggressive, rogue dolphins who become used to interacting with humans never end well. Thankfully they are extremely rare.

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