Wednesday, October 10, 2012

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CNN Reports: This Squirrel Has The Plague

^I'd react that way if I contracted a two-centuries old disease too, bro.

Well it goes without saying that this is the unluckiest squirrel in the game right now. Out of all the squirrels out there doing squirrel-like things, this poor bastard contracted the fucking plague. Like, not a little cold or anything. The plague. Something we haven't seen since our textbooks showed a bunch of crudely drawn Brits getting bitten by rats.

That's the equivalent of me waking up, going to work, hitting the gym, coming home and contracting polio. Just doing normal half-man, half-blogger things and contracting thought-to-be eradicated diseases. It'd undoubtedly suck, but that "Yeah, I can't come in today on the account that I have polio now" phone call would be a big bag of fun.

Don't worry guys, health officials gave us a list of rules to follow in order to not contract squirrel plague:

-- Avoid contact with squirrels and other wild animals
-- Do not feed or touch wild animals
-- Do not touch dead animals
-- Do not rest or camp near animal burrows

Just a crack team right there. That's basically telling me not to be homeless or a street urchin, but for those of you out there that considered poking a dead rat with an un-gloved finger, I'm glad I could help. Also, what the FUCK is an animal burrow? I could be near one right now and would never know.

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