Friday, October 12, 2012

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Why Are Giant Eyeballs Washing Ashore? Seriously, Why?

I'm done with awful things washing ashore. Shit is so played out. Instead of dead bodies, mutated creatures and rogue monster eyeballs, how about something nice?

Where are the lighthearted stories about beachcombers finding dry checks for $1 billion floating along the shoreline? At the very least, a luxury sedan with 1,000 miles on it should pop up along the eastern seaboard every once in awhile. Nope. We just get one big ass, lonely eyeball and millions of tax dollars lost determining what it's attached to, which I'm NOT mad at. Since we'll probably have to kill it at some point. Because there is a monster lurking in the water with one eye right now and I'd bet the farm that he's probably not thrilled about it. His peripherals must be so off.

Also, what asshole sees this, picks it up and calls the authorities? You best believe I'm instagramming the shit out it, tweeting something witty and running as fast as I can because giant eyeballs are only a little baller and a lot of gross.

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