Monday, October 1, 2012

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Questions You Thought You Can Answer, But Actually Can't Without Google #5: WHAT IS BUTTER?

-My President is Butter, my lambo is blue

"OMG, Dub, how can you NOT know what butter is? Such an idiot!"-a majority of the people that are reading this.

Upon initial thought, butter is only a known commodity in our lives. It's just there. It's existence is unquestioned, relatively unknown, and pretty much not cared about. But as I was enjoying a buttered roll today, I thought to myself, "What the fuck IS butter?" Then I sat dumbfounded for like 15 minutes, not Googling, and confused.

Here's what I know about butter:

-It's a dairy product, which means a DIRECT association with milk.
-That narrows it down to roughly 1 billion things
-Butter isn't milk, cheese, whipped cream, or yogurt
-But it has a yellow hue much like cheese
-The word "churn" is thrown around a lot when butter is discussed
-I don' think a human has churned anything since 1835

Clearly, I'm almost there. It's like I'm figuratively riding a bike without training wheels, but I still need Dad to balance me to make sure I don't fall.

Google, tell me what butter is please:

"Butter is a dairy product made by churning fresh or fermented cream or milk. It is generally used as a spread and a condiment, as well as in cooking, such as baking, sauce making, and pan frying. Butter consists of butterfat, milk proteins and water."

That was the most Inception'd answer of all time. Butter is made from "Butterfat"?! How can you have butterfat before you have butter?! That's lazy, wordmakers. So people and machines are still out here churning milk in these streets, huh? Crazy world.

Butter has a newfound respect from me. It requires hard feudal-aged human/robot work and it makes everything infinitely better. Bread wouldn't have a place in this world without butter. And all our shit would stick to the pan when we cooked. Shout out to butter, ya'll.

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