In The Midst Of Holiday Parties...7 Do's And Don'ts

1) Don't get obscenely shit-faced and offend people. No one forgets "that" guy at the holiday party.

2) Do crush the hor d'ourves. The host laid them out there for a reason. You will not look weird if you strictly eat those and not talk to anyone the entire night. Trust me, it's worked for me for years, and I have tons of friends.

3) Don't abuse the "alcohol is a social inhibitor" principle. Debbie from accounting knows you've been waiting for this day and she has her sexual harassment dress on just for the occasion.

4) Do request Mariah Carey's "All I Want For Christmas Is You" if it hasn't been played. Also request it again if it has been played one time. I was in a bar last weekend and they played it twice. Pretty sure the second time was better (I was drunker/it may not have happened?).

5) Don't be that guy that requests the "Yule Log" channel. Shit's boring. Toss on "A Christmas Story" or at least Home Alone 2. But just like the last 15 minutes.

6) Do make a scene when you go home for the holiday break. As a working man/woman you're probably home for like 3 days. Make a fucking splash.

7) Like Craw said, don't be that person with the mistletoe hat. You people reek of desperation and are the scum of the holiday party world.


Happy Hoe-Lidays!!