Wednesday, December 8, 2010

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Mistletoe Misreads

With all of the Holiday parties brewing better watch out for that mistletoe above because it might just not be your lucky day. It's implied that if you're in the midst of conversing or walking by another and a mistletoe makes its way into the kiss. Possibly the best or worst idea anyone's ever worked into a Christmas event. Romantic (creepy) Craw would say "why not attach one to my Santa hat, set up shop and rake in holiday pecks all night." Conventional Craw will explain in depth why that's not such a good idea.

1) Girl X is not enthused - In the moment you find the girl of your dreams under the mistletoe and she either...A) dips out. B) grabs a handful of the nearest appetizer. C) turns the cheek - I can assure you the night won't be so festive anymore. Speed up to an hour and a few more shots of whiskey and you're no longer the nice friend but instead the guy who fell, knocked over ___insert expensive object and forced everyone out.

2) Running into that outrageously inappropriate friend who rolls with it - On a given night we all have a buddy who is ready to take whatever's happening to the next level. That friend is...A) too wasted to care. B) not feeling the love from anyone else. C) really wants to piss you off. No tone will be set from an incident like this.

3) Getting stuck at the family party when the crazy aunt/grandmother pulls you in with a mistletoe of her own - Sneak attack. Nobody likes them. Which old lady is having way too much fun and decides to pinch her nephews cheeks and...A) abuse the ruling with multiple pecks. B) yell from the mountain tops about how much you've grown so everyone else can point and laugh. C) catch you on the way out when the damage has already been done and you're just trying to get your coat and bounce. If you're respective siblings avoided the chaos it's within their rights to make sure the embarrassment level stays high.

4) 'Good-humored' friends set you up with the one you've been avoiding all night - Not the most likely of the scenarios but could definitely make its way into the scene. There's a girl at the party who likes you. You're blocked by the guys on the right and her friends on the left...everyone's waiting for the magic to unfold. That's when you play out the tactics of scenario #1 and...A) dip out. B) grab a handful of the nearest appetizer. C) turn that Cannot and will not play to your favor. Girl upset...Friends upset. Speed up to an hour and a few more shots of whiskey and...well you know the drill. Some may be in search for some mistletoe action and so will I...but for a number of reasons.

Best of luck on your merry excursions.

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  1. G said... December 12, 2010 at 2:21 AM

    1 and 2... check
    3 and 4... to be determined

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