Wednesday, December 8, 2010

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Whoa, Whoa, Whoa..You Can Train Birds To Pick Up Loose Change

Let's just say I hit the god damn goldmine in the realm of trained animal tricks. Oh, you can make your dog fetch a ball? Your cat can play with yarn? Well I got news for you, I got a cockatoo up my sleeve that will make me rich as shit.

Unfortunately the cockatoo pictured isn't my future cockatoo (because apparently it's hard as hell to teach one of these to rollerskate), but it will be extensively trained via this site. Trained in the art of panhandling and grab-bagging like those bums you read about. You best believe that within 15 minutes of walking my neighborhood's change riddled streets, my cockatoo will have my pockets janglin'.

Let's talk cockatoos for a second. These animals are sneaky incredible. Like, Teddy the Rollerskating cockatoo for example. This mofo can rollerskate AND dunk a basketball. Two things I straight up cannot do. I have to consult a fucking cockatoo for information on how to maintain equilibrium in a roller rink. If I summarize everything compiled here, I am going to need to 1) buy a cockatoo, 2) train a cockatoo to pick up change and put it into my pocket, 3) convince said cockatoo to train me to rollerskate and dunk a basketball. When it comes down to it, the student actually becomes the teacher.

Truly folks, the circle of life.

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