When Arsenal Soccer Player Aaron Ramsey Scores, Famous People Die

Once this dude get his grim-reaper death leg in check, we may have the ultimate weapon on our hands. Obviously we could have done without the deaths of Steve Jobs and Whitney Houston, but damn, he kind of gets shit done.

You know how baller of a feeling it is to know that every time you step on the field, a notable life hangs in the balance. Celebrities, techies, terrorists, and totalitarians must be watching your every move hoping you simultaneously tear your ACL and get struck by lightning. His 50% good people-bad people rate could certainly use some work, but like they always say, you have to crack a few eggs to make an omelette.

PS. I had the illest crush on Whitney Houston back in the day and use to dance all flimsy-like around the house when "Dance with Somebody" came on. Fuckin Bobby Brown and his Tyrone Biggums crack emporium. RIP.