Thursday, November 11, 2010

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Alligators In The Sewers, Tigers In The Trash

(**actual shot from G's cell phone camera**)

Welcome to this glimpse into my everyday life. This afternoon I took out the trash, and it ended in a life flashing before my eyes near death experience-- with a stuffed animal. Granted, the fiercest most badass stuffed animal EVER... but still, a stuffed animal.

So, normal day, normal things are happening. I grab the trash bag, cross the parking lot, and walk over to the dumpster (we share a massive dumpster with the apartment complex next door), and get up pretty close because, as you may or may not know, I'm kind of a short girl so I'm just going to shove this trash bag right over the edge. As I'm throwing it in, I catch a glimpse mid-toss of a nose, some angry eyes, and most importantly, giant sharp teeth coming at me. I don't even know what went through my head except that I am going to be one of those people who dies in the most RIDICULOUS way possible, because there is a rabid wolf or something in my garbage, and it is about to eat me.

I think I was simultaneously laughing at the weirdness of there being a wild animal in my trash, but also pretty sure that I was screwed. I guess maybe it's what I would feel if I saw a shark fin right before it bit me. Like, "Wow, this could totally be on Shark Week," then I'm dead.

It took me about another 1/2 a second after my initial sheer, complete panic to realize that the thing in the trash wasn't moving, and a 1/2 second more to realize it was stuffed. As my heartbeat slowed down and the sheer terror of death faded, I wondered if someone had planted it there and was now laughing their ass off from one of the apartment windows. Then I realized that no, I was probably the only person stupid enough to completely lose it in the face of a discarded stuffed animal. I whipped out my phone to snap a shot of the scariest thing I had seen in a long time (7 haunted houses at Spooky World and all of AMC's Fearfest in October included) and now I'm posting it here to get a little support, or at least start the next big urban legend.

But help me out people. Let's be serious, you know you DO NOT want to see that staring at you out of a dumpster. I mean, you really don't want to see anything staring at you out of a dumpster, but definitely not that.

Come on, it's at least kind of scary, right?

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