Wednesday, May 23, 2012

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A Dude Walked Into The Bar With A Zebra And A Macaw

^if that picture doesn't make you instantly laugh, I don't think you have a soul. Just a zebra and a macaw freaking out, praying that they get this expunged from their records.

Back when I was a single-lad, my wingmen sucked. We were far too competitive and had such a every-man-for-himself attitude that no one ever found success. Every phone number was a struggle and every conversation was c-blocked. Well, I can GUARANTEE none of these problems would occur if I rolled in with a zebra and a macaw.

A certain tone is set when you walk into the local watering hole with exotic animals. The jukebox record stops, people stare you down, mouth agape, and the bartender has a drink ready before you can even sit down. I can't see too many things more baller than asking three chicks if you can borrow their chairs so you can create a secure enclosure for your fucking zebra. And I'd 100% make sure that the macaw is on my shoulder at all times.

Just kidding, I'd freak the fuck out if a dude rolled into a bar with these monsters. Zebras are all fun and games on the Discovery Channel, but I'm not trying to get my glass kicked out of my hand if it becomes startled. And what the fuck is a macaw, seriously? If it's not a parrot or the birds from either Lion King or Aladdin, I want nothing to do with it. I'd arrest the shit out of this dude in a second.

Tried desperately to make a "We Bought A Zoo" joke, but there just wasn't an opening.

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  1. Anonymous said... May 23, 2012 at 11:56 AM

    Shit. You aren't single?

    Pissed.

    -John Saunders

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