Tuesday, May 8, 2012

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Introducing Dominic Deville, The Guy That Dresses Up Like A Killer Clown And Stalks Your Child For A Week Before Their Birthday Where He Smashes Them In The Face With A Cake

There are good ideas and then there are great ideas. Hiring a stranger to dress up as a killer clown to stalk your child, leave terrifying notes and ultimately hitting him/her in the face with a cake on their birthday is as perfect as it gets.

I was such a pansy when I had birthdays. Age 6 was a weak affair all around. My mom came into my first grade class with cupcakes and lizard toys and brought me brand new basketball sneakers. I was such a bitch. Way too much smiling and laughing it up with all the other kids being genuinely happy. That's not how it should have gone down. Mom should have called Dom up, paid him his fee, and watched the fireworks ensue. Sure, I'd probably be a serial killer or socially inept, but let me tell you, I'd be such a badass. There is literally nothing in life that can possibly scare you after you had a homicidal clown stalk you for 7 days while your mother did nothing but giggle. And to top it all off, you're probably heart attack proof for the rest of your life after you get a cake smashed in your face by your clown stalker. Your aorta will permanently be hard as a rock and slightly inefficient everyday thereafter.

Reading this quote right here: "If at any point the kids get scared or their parents are concerned we stop right there," he said. "But most kids absolutely love being scared senseless."--virtually ensured NO black parents will ever be purchasing this service.

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  1. Anonymous said... May 9, 2012 at 1:41 PM

    How to hire him??? I have a devilish teenager who would think this was the coolest thing ever.

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