Thursday, May 3, 2012

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There Are Dating Websites And Then There's FarmersOnly.Com


No shame in your game FarmersOnly.com. Nothing wrong with calling a spade a spade. Just flat out saying, "if you don't fuck with hay, own less than 18 cowboy hats, and have aspirations of going to college, this site isn't for you." Got to respect it.

The only farming experience I have ever known was through "Harvest Moon" on GameBoy. Quite possibly the most boring, strangely addicting game on the planet. I just sat around for hours planting digital tomatoes, tending to digital cows and budgeting fake money. If I didn't manage to make any friends or get good at sports, you'd probably find me out in East Bumfuck, Wherever herding sheep and wearing Wrangler jeans. In another life, I'd probably create the most prolific FarmersOnly profile that ever graced the site.

1) Have hair so nappy in my profile pic, that you'd legitimately think I don't know what a hairbrush is.

2) Have the real-life cast of Charlotte's Web in my photo with me. Except Charlotte for obvious reasons.

3) Feature buzz-words such as: overalls, Brett Favre, republican, lasso, and shed

4) Country lyrics everywhere.

5) A subtle hint of my affiliation with any of the following: NRA, KKK, NASCAR

6) Terrible Grammar

At that point, I think it'll be fish in a barrel. Me and Betsy Sue riding horses into the sunset with our combined 10th grade education.

4 Reactions to this post

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  1. Anonymous said... May 3, 2012 at 1:19 PM

    love the bear-dog thing in the bottom right

  2. Speed Dating Leeds said... May 29, 2012 at 10:00 AM

    I've never heard about it, could anyone else share his experience?

  3. Anonymous said... June 1, 2012 at 9:05 AM

    City folks just don't get it!! ha-ha.. if i was a farmer i would search a true love on FarmersOnly.Com=))))
    Dating for Professionals

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