Monday, May 7, 2012

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Two Swiss Dolphins Died Of "Noise" And Heroin Overdose After Rave

You see, kids, raves are all fun, games, and sex until dolphins start injecting heroin into their dorsal fins and having their ear drums explode.

See, this is why I don't do drugs. Never have I had the urge to inject a dolphin with heroin. Maybe I'll get shitfaced and pee in an alley, but that's the extent of my debauchery. Can't kill Flipper.

Now the dolphin that died because of noise--that shit's an entirely different story. That dude was a bitch. This: "Shadow - an eight year old dolphin - was found dead after becoming disoriented and distressed following the huge techno event." is not a good look, bro. Disorientation and distress is a daily occurrence for me. Get a coffee and pick it up, don't go ahead and die like an asshole.

On the ultimate realness, how crazy was this fucking party? Dolphins dying of noise and heroin? Glow sticks and shit? Wild.