Tuesday, May 22, 2012

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Summer Puts Far Too Much Pressure On Society


Someone had to say it. Summer is a gift and a curse. A wonderful time of sun and high spirits, but also a time when people fucking expect you to do stuff.

I'm a creature of habit. Love my Saturday and Sunday midday naps. Any time that's disrupted, my entire life falls off track. Summer loves to disrupt. There's always a friend that's like, "You can just sleep on the beach." Uh, no. There's sand there. And crabs and shit. Can't get into my REM with a pincer on my balls.

Let's dive into things that are "expected" of you in the summer, but sometimes you just don't want to do them.

1) The beach
-As I've said before, people just want you to live your day-to-day life out on the beach. "Do what you'd normally do at home" is what I hear. What it boils down to is: a) jumping into water that's entirely too cold because you're rushing it and want to be cool in front of everyone b) getting sand EVERYWHERE on your body and in your bag for the next 8 months.

2) The park
-Dogs and babies are cool for like 3 minutes when they have no relation to you. Believe me, I love to people watch with the best of them, but let me do it at my own pace, summer. The first 80 degree day, I'm attacked by people that want to chill at the park. Why? So I can stare at chicks and throw bread at ducks? That ain't me. Unless there's a pond to skip rocks at, I'm probably out.

3) The city
-This is the most confusing. Girls mainly like to do this one. While most of us work, interact, and go out in the city majority of our weeks, it becomes THAT much more appealing when it's nice out. Why are drinks on a deck 1000x better than drinks 2 feet to the right inside the bar? I'm a victim of this one too, but it's mind boggling. I foresee at least 8 window shopping excursions in the next 3 months.

4) Sports you don't normally play
-"Anyone up for some frisbee?" What the fuck is a frisbee? I'm sweating just thinking about being "up" for anything in the summer. Put the god damn bocce set and croquet mallets away and watch the Star Wars marathon they're showing on FX.

5) Grill shit
-None of you motherfuckers know how to grill. You just like the idea. We're twentysomethings who sat around and pranced around while Pops semi-burned some steaks and Mom got some corn on the cob ready. What are you going to do with 8 raw chicken cutlets, some Lawry's chicken seasoning, a propane grill and no propane? Order out and eat outside. George Foreman.

6) Anything else that's not: alcohol games, concerts, fishing, real sports, and staring at chicks
-Summer boils down to moderation. You can't go super hard into any one activity or you'll hate yourself and everyone around you. Treat it like a buffet and sample everything. Don't play too hard, avoid sweating, don't sexually harass anyone, and DO drink daquiris.

Summer is coming, Winterfell. Summer is coming.

2 Reactions to this post

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  1. Anonymous said... May 22, 2012 at 6:40 PM

    Dont sexually harrass someone,

    hahahahahahahaha



    -John Saunders

  2. Anonymous said... May 22, 2012 at 7:50 PM

    one of your best

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