Tuesday, September 27, 2011

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Chicks Ask Dub, "How Do We Get Guys To Actually Like Us?"

Ladies stepping up to the plate on this one. I see ya'll coming in hot with a question I straight up can't answer, but I promise you that I will bullshit my way to leaving you guys feeling slightly resolved.

Us men are a simple breed. We like hanging with our friends, eating, napping, and chasing women. That's it. I can't name anything else that a majority of the gender likes to do. It may sound easy to insert yourself in there as the girl we chase and just hang, eat, and nap with us, but God was up to his tricks when he made you guys. He gave all of you multiple wants and needs that reach far past laying down in the king size bed all Sunday with boxes of pizza and reruns of The Office on. In the full spirit of half-assing this, I'll tell you how NOT to get a guy to actually like you.

It starts at the point of attack. If you're at a weird bar on a Friday or Saturday night, it's not exactly painting you in the "wifey" category from the get go. If we talk to you, we are undoubtedly screaming in your face while we slyly put a hand on your hip because "we can't hear you that well." You're typecast as that bargirl right off the bat. And if you're on the basement dancefloor, there's just about no chance for a relationship. Your ceiling is late night hookup at best, because frankly, that's what everyone around you's ceiling is. I didn't make the rules. Your only chance is to post up somewhere relatively not loud, look cute, but not whorish, and have a decent conversation with a decent guy. Keep in mind, decent guys don't frequent where you are. These are the seedy places you can find Dub Jeezy and Craw lurking, trying to buy you SoCo Lime shots and get your phone number. Your best bet for a lasting relationship is...I have no clue. Grocery stores? I'd recommend a nice, classy bar in a happy hour/after-work setting where no one is threatening and people are looking pretty good. Plus people will want to talk about anything but work so conversation will pop off immediately. He asks you out, you'll have a blast, start dating, move in together, get married, have kids, and name your first child Dub. Like clockwork.

Put your lifestyle magazines away girls: Working Man's Diary>Cosmopolitan

2 Reactions to this post

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  1. Anonymous said... September 27, 2011 at 10:27 PM

    Also porn.

  2. Anonymous said... September 28, 2011 at 1:05 AM

    haha, i will scour grocery stores

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