Thursday, September 29, 2011

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There Are Trix And Then There Are Other Cereals



So apparently I'm a super minority now. I'm black AND I'm like the only dude in the world that likes Trix. I was convinced that everyone loved that shit. Just look at the choices you have. A straight up myriad of outrageous artificially flavored fruits to choose from. Every bite is never the same while being borderline overwhelming at the same time. If your cereal doesn't "overwhelm" you, then you're not doing lazy breakfast right.

My roommates picked the obvious and unoriginal Cinnamon Toast Crunch as the best cereal. It says a lot about a person when they say they like CTC. In fact, if you break it down every cereal pretty much says something about your personality, hopes, and aspirations.

Cinnamon Toast Crunch: you don't like to stir the pot or ruffle any feathers. You're on the straight and narrow through and through. Sure you tried a cigarette once, but you did NOT like it.

Lucky Charms: that jingle is catchy, but not catchy enough to rope you in for a bowl. It goes with the Trix strategy of using different instruments (marshmellows) to distract, you, but they all taste the same. You're also probably stupid.

Kix: you don't live with you mom anymore, but mentally, you kind of do. I'm also going to assume not many friends. I bet your house looks awesome though, loser.

Cocoa Puffs: you're completely in it for the chocolate milk at the end. I got nothin' but love for that.

Wheaties: you were the Pop Warner quarterback, starting PG, and pitcher in the FIFTH grade. Dream's over brah.

Mini-Wheats/Regular Wheats: you have no idea whether or not to go to Business/Law/Grad School or stay at your pretty solid job. Each day it's weighing on you, but hey, the $2,500 you spent on LSAT, GMAT, and GRE classes will eventually prove their worth

Fruity Pebbles: you're on the right track, but your lack of concern for the sogginess is a problem. Can't have that shit.

Trix: you are awesome, groundbreaking, and an incredible spirit. You're handsome, smart, and so many fucking girls like you, it's crazy.

And that's the definitive cereal-personality test, brought to you by Working Man's Diary.

::bows head::

3 Reactions to this post

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  1. Anonymous said... September 29, 2011 at 10:42 PM

    More of a Frosted Flakes kind of guy myself. Or Malt o Meal.

  2. Dub Jeezy said... September 29, 2011 at 10:56 PM

    is malt o meal a real thing? i googled it and still don't believe it

  3. Anonymous said... September 29, 2011 at 11:02 PM

    It's like cream of wheat, but with malt added, I guess. Tastes good if you dump brown sugar on it. Maybe it's a northern thing. In the south they've got grits.

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