Monday, January 16, 2012

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Can I PLEASE Get The Nod To Become One Of Boston's Professional Wingmen?

My actual job? Pfft, a mentally-handicapped chimp with a moderate knowledge of Microsoft Office can do my job. Wingman-ing is truly my calling. And call me crazy, but I'm like 75% sure that that black silhouette with the golden wings in their logo is supposed to be me. It's as if they know I'm an extraordinary wingman and created this company knowing I'd find it with my blogger internet sleuth skills.

True story, I'm the Scottie Pippen of Wingmen. Notice how I didn't say Michael Jordan? That's the mentality you have to have if you want to be dominant in your role as the setup guy. My strategy is as follows:

1) Spark up conversation with the less desirable girl.
2) Make a few jokes talking up my friend without making it seem obvious that I'm doing that
3) Separate myself and the less desirable girl from my friend and his girl
4) Make it abundantly clear that I'm not interested in anything further than friendship. (NOTE: If on a dance floor, don't dance too close because you don't want to give the wrong idea)
5) Discuss how crazy it would be if our friends hooked up
6) Receive a high five and $100 in the morning from an appreciative friend.

Kidding. If you don't think I will be ordering a professional wingman as early as Thursday night, you are outside your mind.

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