Introducing The “Gym-Pact” App That Fines And Rewards You Money Based On Gym Visits

Holy hell, what’s going on? Why is the gym becoming that big of a deal?

Here’s a secret: every single time I go to the gym, I do the exact same workout. Every. Fucking. Time. I strictly do the vanity muscles aka the muscles people can see at any given moment and never change up my routine:

1) Fucking Curls
2) Bench Press
3) What I call the “Get Fly” machine because I’m black and it’s more fun that way.
4) That Pull-down thing that really hurts my arms and I don’t know if it accomplishes anything
5) Weird ab stuff—I pick up a medicine ball and chop wood, sit-ups, and all sorts of odd shit. Definitely a turn off for the ladies and again, I don’t know if it accomplishes anything.
6) Walk past all the treadmills and reason with myself that I don’t need cardio until I’m 40

That’s the gym for me. Arms, chest and abs. That’s all you need as a 24 year old guy in 2012. What do I need a firm back for? No one sees my back. And don’t get me started on legs. I dunked a basketball in 2005 and ran track superbly. Fuck outta here with legs. And I have a firm belief that your shoulders are just your arms extended, so I’m covered there. Call me irrational/unorthodox or even fundamentally dangerous, but if you call me inefficient, I owe you a powder slap in the face.

According to the “Gym Pact”, I’d be down about $15 this week. I wipe my ass with $15 (no I don’t). That’s not even remotely scary, so please back off with your holier than thou apps assholes.