Wednesday, January 25, 2012

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State Of The Union Went Off Without A Hitch..Except For The Part When Obama Mentioned Nothing About The Mayan Calendar

If you don't follow me on Twitter (@WMsDiary), I unintentionally live-tweeted 75% of the State of The Union Address last night. Because I'm a dick and not in touch with anything, I found the entire event hilarious. Here are some thoughts I had:

-Quietly wished Obama came out to "N****s In Paris." It would have 1 million % got him impeached, but his entrance swag was off the charts. Daps on daps on daps. Reminded me of late-90's WWF, except infinitely blacker.

-John Boerner. My man put on a fucking show. Looked like a Madame Tussauds wax statue out there. I had aspirations to tally the blink disparity between him and Biden, but there was no point. Five minutes into the speech, Biden was up 500 blinks to two.

-I'm unsure if Joe Biden had a solid meal before everything. Dude was looking gaunt as a motherfucker. At around 9:55, you can catch him in another world whimsically day-dreaming about sandwiches and coffee. Felt bad for him.

-I felt weird for the black Republicans out there. They straight up had no idea when to stand and clap for one hour and 45 minutes.

-#1 issue above everything: NO fucking mention of the impending Mayan apocalypse. Am I the only one keeping tabs on this shit? Their impeccable calendar "expired" on December 23, 2012 and Obama is talking about schools and "preserving the economy." Pfft. I want knowledge on war and nothing else. I want laser discussions, gatling gun committee meetings, and I wouldn't mind additional funding for alien-proof body armor. Fuck it, get Cantor in there with a switch blade and his piercing stares and we'll probably be ok.

Michelle, don't think I didn't see you looking like a blue Ring-Pop out there. Holla at me. Kidding.

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  1. Anonymous said... January 26, 2012 at 2:45 PM

    cantor threw off my whole night

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