Tuesday, March 13, 2012

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Trenton, New Jersey Ran Out Of Toilet Paper

I've heard some sad things in my day, but this toilet paper Great Depression is without a doubt the saddest thing I have ever heard. I can just picture a bunch of smelly families lined up outside of a Charmin factory with their toilet paper tickets waiting for weekly rations.

On a serious note, this news kinda sucks for guys, but it is absolutely detrimental for the ladies. TP is involved in every single one of your bathroom transactions. I won't get into the nitty gritty details, but I can assure you that dudes WILL find an alternative. Pretty sure girls will just die off eventually if this famine continues.

While I do recognize that I can still maintain a decent standard of living in this scenario, nothing beats a good roll of toilet paper. I can literally sleep comfortably on 7 sheets of that Charmin Ultra-Soft stuff that those bears keep getting stuck to their butts in the commercials. Meanwhile, the value-brand TP that they put in high school bathrooms is the 7th level of hell. Wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy('s butt).

Moral of the story, I haven't heard anything good come out of the state of New Jersey since I was fucking born. Clean it up guys.

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  1. Anonymous said... March 13, 2012 at 11:47 PM

    i'm the least bit surprised

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