Tuesday, March 13, 2012

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Morning Commute Creeping

^love this dude quietly trying to kill himself

I'll start things off with an incredibly embarrassing story:

-One morning on a typical commute awhile back, I was standing next to this cute girl on the train. Because I have undiagnosed social deficiencies, I angled my body so that there was a possibility of eye-contact. In the process, she started changing songs on her Ipod, to which I had the audacity to say, "Nice choice" when she picked a song I also liked. The world fucking stopped. I blacked out into a confused/embarrassed/dumbfounded oblivion and I'm pretty sure the girl gave one of those "I may get kidnapped" smirks and turned the opposite way.-

Everyone who lives in a major city most likely has to commute to and from work. It's one of the trickiest flirtation processes ever to exist. Just a bunch of dudes and chicks dressed nicely, too tired and stressed to talk to each other. It boils down to straight up staring at people and immediately looking down as soon as they make eye-contact with you. That's it. If you're lucky you may get a legitimate smirk out of someone, but you're probably not going to budge through 16 people just to vomit-words at her.

What are we going to say? "You pumped for the Hunger Games?" That's literally all I've got. With the inclusion of Kindles & Nooks everywhere, we can't even discuss hardcover book plots. I've personally stood by the "you have to drop something at the same time" principle, which means you have to drop something at the same time as a cute girl, bend down and bump heads. Every rom-com says it'll be super cute, you'll exchange numbers and probably get married. Don't know about you guys, but I'm completely on board with the Gosling-McAdams method.

Another one of my patented "moves" that I wouldn't recommend: falling asleep with your mouth open and drool coming out. That's not creating butterflies in anyone's belly.

My advice is so sick.

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