Thursday, March 29, 2012

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20 Things I'm Going To Buy When I Win $500 Million Tomorrow

It goes without saying that 500 million dollars is stupid money. Way too much to drop on one "normal" person without their lives being ruined in the long run. In the event that I don't destroy all genuine relationships, develop a nasty drug problem, or get murdered, here is what I'd buy with the money:

1) Start things with a purple giraffe just to throw everyone off.

2) Buy my parents shit, blah, blah, blah.

3) Buy my extended family shit, blah, blah, blah.

4) Master P's gold ceiling from MTV Cribs in 2002.

5) Student loans.

6) Buy a minority stake in the New York Jets, then inevitably kill myself.

7) Find some sort of healthcare for my purple giraffe

8) Buy a house that can fit Master P's gold ceiling

9) Buy Master P's old house

10) Buy three Chevy Volts

11) Buy a Hummer and run over all the previously purchased Chevy Volts

12) Homeowners insurance

13) Convince Ross to stop rapping and just hang out with me and say comedic shit.

14) Mad kittens

15) Mad(der) double cheeseburgers

16) Dr. Sanjay Gupta, Giada de Laurentiis, and Michael Jordan on motivational audiobooks that I paid him to make.

17) Purchase the Sioux Falls Skyforce NBA D-League Franchise and treat it exactly like the movie "Semi-Pro"

18) All the remaining Sega Dreamcasts

19) I'd literally just follow Adriana Lima around all day

20) Bail money after the meth, heroine, coke, acid, crack, prostitute, binge I'm going to go on.

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