Having Two Cell Phones Is Ruining My Life

So am I drug dealer now? Do I have the instinctual ability to move weight on the block?

These are questions I have to ask myself now that I'm consistently seen in public using two cell phones. I have to accept being viewed as a douchebag AND a drug dealer due to things that are outside of my control. One day I was just handed a work phone for seemingly no reason because I'm not important. It's like I was socially abandoned in an empty field and left to die.

I was on the train yesterday with a Droid, an iPhone, an iPod and a Nook on my lap looking like an absolute asshole. Everyone giving me that "You can consolidate all of that into one device" look. Never felt so inefficient. Every time I charge my devices before I go to bed, I put my life in real danger. I'm dealing with like 19 chargers, USB cords, plugs, and all sorts of noises. If I don't see sparks flying from my surge protector, it's a good night.

Real talk, I have no idea how to use the iPhone. Every day I just pretend like I know what I'm doing. Turn on the phone, text the one non-work number I have in my contacts WAY too much, and play that stupid fucking Draw Something game. All I'm doing is bothering people and drawing crude, indecipherable pictures. That's not what the commercial told me I'd be doing. I want to look at celestial designs, effectively use Siri once, and figure out how to turn off the god damn sound.

Aside from these minor issues, having two phones is baller as hell.