Tuesday, March 6, 2012

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Detroit Woman Getting Stalked Every Day...By A Turkey Named "Godzilla"

^some real gritty footage right here

Not surprised at all. Turkeys are perhaps the most underrated terrifying animal in the game today. It's like they KNOW we eat them on Thanksgiving and take any and all opportunities to ruin our lives.

I feel for this Detroit lady. It's not like you can go to court and get a restraining order on an unusually large turkey that follows your every movement. Everyone resigns to the same theory of, "I'll fuck a turkey up if it steps to me." No you won't, those things are way more pissed at you than you are at them.

Fun fact: a turkey knocked me off a bike and chased me for roughly 100 feet when I was 13. To this day, that was the scariest experience of my life. Looked like a XL Hefty bag was swooping in to take my life. Turned out it was just an enraged, potentially rabid turkey. I fully believe that if I fell, I wouldn't be here blogging today.

Godzilla is an ill name for a giant turkey.

PS. Turkeys die at a terrifyingly rapid rate when it rains.

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  1. myriam said... March 8, 2012 at 9:49 AM

    I know a family that raises turkeys. They used to have one named Uno. One day it rained and Uno fell in a puddle. Uno never got up.

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