Technology Presents: The Zipper Bed

For lazy folk like myself, some enterprising scientists in a laboratory unknown decided to create a bed that you never have to make. They combined the zipping convenience of a bookbag and a pair of pants and combined that with a bed, so that you can just zip the bed up when you're done to give the illusion that you take care of yourself. I'm all about illusions.

Love making people think, I'm a good person. I'm also fine with making people think that I live a clean lifestyle and make my bed. If there is one thing a person can respect, it's a clean bed. If I can hoodwink/bamboozle someone into thinking that, the bed's done it's job.

Can we talk about possibly having a "close" friend sleep over? Imagine them initially thinking that you're neat and continuously make your bed, to only find out that it's a zipper illusion. It's like "Where's Waldo" or something. Just frustrated at the end. That'll really tell you how the relationship will be.

If she reacts slightly favorably to you having a zipper bed, you need the dump the hell of that chick immediately because that girl's batshit crazy.